"COURAGE"

So you say you're on your own
And nothing's going right
Fist to fist and heart to heart
You get back up and fight

And now...
Your torn like a flag on a battleground
Stepped on and beaten down
But somehow, yeah somehow
You still manage, yeah you manage to survive
You manage to survive.

It's your courage
Take 'em on, take 'em out
Take a stand, take a bow
It's your courage
Take 'em on, take 'em out
Take a stand, take a bow

So...
So now you're thinking it's the end
You're stuck in your self doubt
And if a picture says 1000 words
Take 'em till your words run out
Well it's a new chapter in your life
In your broken soul, your broken bones
Your broken heart, your broken bonds
But you still fight to make it right
In your broken soul, your broken bones
Your broken heart, your broken bonds
But you still fight to make it right
to make it right

It's your courage
Take 'em on, take 'em out
Take a stand, take a bow
It's your courage
Take 'em on, take 'em out
Take a stand, take a bow

It's last call, last chance
Line 'em up and let's make it last
Why wait when the days go fast
Make the call don't let it pass

It's your courage
Take 'em on, take 'em out
Take a stand, take a bow
It's your courage
Take 'em on, take 'em out
Take a stand, take a bow

It's your courage 

The little things

I have had a rough last few days. 
I had my third treatment last Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday. It was hard on me.
The hardest I have had since I started treatment.
I was extremely nauseous from Tuesday until today.
I went in to see my doctor yesterday and she gave me a nausea patch.
Boy did that thing work wonders!!! :) I woke up this morning feeling wonderful!

Today has been a fantastic day for me.

I was up early, went to my doctors appointment. I stopped by Ashley's work and had lunch with her. It was great to see you today Ash!! Thanks again for lunch.

From there I went to see my cousin Jesse and his little precious gift Audrey and of course the boys Copper and Boomer. I haven't see Jesse if what seems like forever. He is a busy police officer now and I don't get out much. It was so nice to see him today and just catch up. I don't see him often enough. Thanks for the nice visit Jess. I love you!

After leaving Jesse's house I stopped by CVAM to see another cousin Britney!! :) OH how I just love you to death! I thank you so much for Starbucks and the little chat! It was nice to just get out and sit in the nice weather and talk! :) It was much needed and I had such a good time!!!

Keep in mind one of my most favorite things in life is to drive with my Windows down and my music up load.  I got to do so much of that today! It was perfect weather today and it was just so great to be OUT!  I have been OUT in over a week! :)

It's all the little things in life that make days like today extra special.  Its people like the ones I got to spend the day with today that make me count my blessings, and when I count them its each and everyone of you. :) Thank you so much for being you.

I love you guys!

Tata

 

. . .THANKFUL. . .

Today's post is about FAMILY and FRIENDS...

I am so thankful for each and every one of you.  I have the best support system a girl could ask for, and I wouldn't be able to fight this fight without each of you.  Today's post is going to be a long one...as I have many to be THANKFUL for. . .

 

To my AMAZING mother, I can't thank you enough for everything you do, have done and continue to do for me.  You are always there no matter what I need, or don't need. You take me from place to place to place. You have left your home and your life in Show Low to spend the whole time down here in with me, I can't thank you enough. Your an amazing woman, a huge inspiration and so loving. I hope to be just like you when I decide to grow up. :) I love you with all of my heart Mom!!

 

To my STRONGER than life father, Your a rock! Your the strongest man I have ever met in my life. Your are what a father should be. You are encouraging, supportive and loving. I know you will always be there for me in anything. I can't even begin to thank you enough. THANK YOU from the earth all the way to the stars and back down to the earth. I love you papa! :)

 

Oh my Scotty boy...where to start. I love you so much. I thank you for pushing me when I needed to be pushed. When I didn't want to do something you are always there to tell me otherwise. I can't thank you enough for that. I know I am never easy to deal with but it seems to come easy for you.  Thank you for doing endless amounts of research, up all night and day to find the best of the best for me. I hope you know how much I appreciate it and it doesn't go unnoticed. I can even begin to tell you how thankful I am that God gave me you.  I am reminded of the song by Blake Shelton "God Gave Me You" I couldn't have said it better myself.

Katrina, big sister of mine...Your such a wonderful sister, mother, and best friend. I can't imagine my life without you apart of it. If I ever have half as much courage you do, I will be in good shape. Your compassionate and loving.  To have you in my corner encouraging me, and always positive, I can't thank you enough for, nor return the favor. I can only hope that I will grow to be half the woman you are. I love you big sister. :)

 B, Brother Boy, Bannon you have many names, but the best name I could ever call you is MY brother.  Like Dad, you are strong in so many ways.  You are supportive, positive, encouraging, loving, you always know how to make me smile and feel good about anything and everything. You have a way with words.  I know I can always look to you for support.  You have become a great man, one I am happy to call MY brother, family and friend. I love you big brother. Thank you for all your support!

Ashley...Oh Ashley.  The first thing I think of is "help, someone help me I am stuck, stuck in my pajamas.  I need help" ha ha I will forever remember that voicemail.  You have always been able to make me laugh. I love you from your silliness all the way to your perfection, and everything in between.  I know I have said "thank-you"but I am not sure you know how much I am thankful to have you, and thankful for everything you have done for me.  From helping me with my FMLA and STD Paperwork to your endless fundraisers to just being my sister. So THANK YOU, THANK YOU!! I  love you Ash.

Peanut oh Peanut, I don't know where to begin with you. I know your only 7 years old and you may not realize this now, but someday you will.  You are far more mature than most 7 year olds. You inspire me!!  You always have since the day you were born. My life changed, heck the WORLD changed the day you were born.  I am the lucky one to call you MY PEANUT.  You always make me laugh!! Your really good at that.  I love spending time with you just singing to our music as loud as it will go!!! Thanks for being YOU!! Tata loves you so much!! :)

Beefy so thankful for your spirit!!  Your ability to see me with or without hair.  I am thankful for your "big squeeze" hugs, the kisses you give.  You have such a big heart for such a young little man.  If your anything like the other men in our family your going to grow up to be such a gentleman. I love you more than you will ever know!!!  Thank you for always making me laugh...I love you with all my heart Beefy!!

Ella Bean I am thankful for you each and every day. I am so thankful I get to call you my Ella Bean.  I am thankful you are just up the street and I get to see you grow and develop.  Your such a smart little thing. :) Thank you for always putting a smile on my face.  I can't help but be smile and be happy when I am around you....little ball of sunshine!! I Love You Bean!

Grammy, I am thankful for our conversations! I am thankful to have such an strong, inspiring woman as my grandmother.  You have shown me anything is possible. I know where Mom gets it from!! :) I love you with all that I am.  I can't wait to spend a few days with you over Thanksgiving!!!

To all my Aunts, Uncles and Cousins, life has been fantastic with you all by my side. I love that I get to call you all family.  :) I love our big family gatherings and the dance competitions! Your all so amazing in all your own special ways! Thank you so much for all you have done for me and all the support you have shown.  Life wouldn't be the same without each of you. Thank you so much!

Marsha, Ross and Matthew...You three make up the other half of my wonderful family.  Your positive, supportive and nothing short of amazing people.  God blessed me when he sent you to be in my life.  I have enjoyed every single moment I have spent with all three of you.  You truly are an amazing family.  Thank you for everything you have done for me.  Its all greatly appreciated.  I love all of you like my own mother, father and brother.

Big Bird and Little Bird, or Candy Cottenbottom and Beverly Buttkiss.  Out of all the things I can be thankful for your friendship is one of them.  You girls are both so crazy and wild and I wouldn't have it any other way. Your silly dancing and rap song singing keeps this neighbor a happy one.  Thank you for everything!! (Everything sums it up right?)  I love you girls to death...Can't wait to see your old butt climbing the brick wall! ha ha :)

To The Murphy Clan; I love how passionate and caring you are.  I didn't know I would be getting a life long friend the day I started at Banner.  I am so thankful to have you in my life.  Thank you for letting me be apart of your life as well.  Sharing all the special moments in your lives as well as mine. We have many many more to come.  I love you all and can't wait to hug you all again soon!

I know there is many, many more of you out there I didn't list, but know that I am thankful for each of you.  I am sorry I didn't list each of you, but we could be here all day! :) Please know you all have touched my life in one special way or another.  Life sure has it's crazy moments and somethings we will never understand but one thing is for sure life is worth living.  Life is a precious gift.  No matter what always remember...

"When we travel life's roads with those we love, the point of destination is always secondary to the quality of the journey!"

 Tata 

Cupcakes & Crystals

Soo sorry, for some reason the other post I THOUGHT was on here wasn't!!  This party is being hosted by Katrina Johnson, Tyla Francis & Katie Lohman, please join us by stopping by the Jewelry Party THIS Saturday, November 10th at 2pm!  You know...Christmas is coming up...do some shopping? 

Thank you,

Ashley

RADIATION GRADUATION DAY

HELLO ONE AND ALL!

 

So Today was a FABULOUS day...It was GRADUATION DAY here in Arizona for me! I can't tell you how excited I am to be done with this phase of treatment. It all started out great, but the longer I did radiation treatment the more it built up in my system the more side effects I began to experience. I started getting severe stomach cramping about 15-30 minutes after treatment every day.  As you might imagine this put me down for most of the day.  Due to the high does of radiation I was getting, it started to effect various parts of my lower body.  My skin became slightly discolored, a dark brownish color  (radiation burns). Which I am assured will go away a few weeks after treatment is done.  I had a loss of pubic hair, which I now know was from Radiation NOT chemo, or a combination of both. (not always a bad thing ha ha) I have been having some bladder issues for the past 2 weeks or so. On top of a yeast infection I have been fighting for my entire treatment. These are just a few "small side effects".  I am SO GLAD RADIATION IS OVER!! :)

 

 

 

That being said some of you are aware of the hard decision I have been faced with and the decisions I must make.  With normal HPV caused Cervical Cancer radiation treatment would consist of external radiation treatment (what I just finished) and then Brachytherapy (internal radiation treatment).  Since my cancer is NOT HPV caused there isn't many medical studies/research done to prove that Brachytherapy would benefit me or not benefit me. As there is only 2% of women that have my type of cervical caner. The Brachytherapy is a tube that is placed in the vagina, and a robot machine is then attached to the tube by a hose.  They then place you in a sealed room by yourself with this robot and deliver small beads of radiation into the tube that in placed inside you.  The purpose for this radiation is the treat the top of the vaginal cuff.  Which kills the cells in that area so the cancer doesn't come back. The side effect is I am only 27, I would need to use a dilator 3 times a week for 15 minutes a day for the rest of my life.  The purpose for that is when you do the Brachytherapy it builds scar tissue on the vaginal walls, which becomes to heavy for the walls to hold up and they collapse.  Meaning getting pelvic exams, or having intercourse would become impossible.  Its very painful. As you can tell I have a big decision to make. I have my appointment set for next Tuesday to start the Brachytherapy, however I am getting second and third opinions with other doctors and I am doing as much research as possible.  I have been in touch with many patients that have had the Brachytherapy done and getting as much information for them as I can. There is no reason to put my body through even more radiation, side effects and long term side effects if it's not absolutely necessary.  It is only 3 extra weeks of treatment, one day a week for three weeks.  The whole process is about 2-3 hours each day.  I just want to make sure it's what's best for me and my body.  If I decide against the Brachytherapy then I will just call and cancel my appointment on Tuesday.  I don't want to have any regrets later on down the road, but I am just not sold on the fact that having the Brachytherapy is the best decision for me. I will keep you all posted on what my decision is. 

 

As for Chemo, I will start my third round on Monday November 12th.  I will be half way done with chemo at this time! I have 6 rounds of chemo total.  Chemo has been going well, I have three days of chemo where I feel great the first day, tired and run down the second and third days.  By my 4th, 5th, 6th and 7th days I am at my worst.  I have been getting muscle aches and slight headaches with chemo.  My skin becomes very sensitive to the touch and hurts just to wear clothes. I am very tired and nauseous this whole time.  Once this all passes I start feeling back to my normal self.  So I have one bad week and two good ones, I can handle that! :)

 

I am almost done and Cancer FREE!!! I can't wait for my next Graduation day!

I have posted a video of Graduation day today at Radiation above...Please feel free to watch it! :) It's a big accomplishment and I am proud to say I was strong enough! :)

 

I love you,

Tata