Of course I wanted to go sooooooooo bad, but lets face it...my monsters in a Wellness Center setting? Probably not the best idea...so I headed up to Show Low to hang out with Katrina and get stuff rolling for the Fall Fling she & a few friends were putting on! The Fall Fling went well and we brought in $5000 for Tanya! That's huge and we thank EVERYONE that helped us pull this off. Backing up, Tanya was packing (for an army) for Florida and as you can imagine was so scared, nervous, excited and ready to get better! So off they went...Florida bound. Sunday, October 13th Tanya, Mom & Scott were on their way, she texted me as they land saying "it's beautiful here!!!" and although her flight wasn't fun and she got sick a few times and was so incredibly tired, I'm glad she was able to take it all in! Her treatments started on Monday and meeting/information galore flooded in. Overwhelming? YES! But in true Tanya fashion she took it all in like a champ. She was starting to learn how to control her vomiting, since her body for so long had gotten use to doing it, she had to retrain. Her bleeding had almost stopped but she was still nauseated and tired all the time...but was getting better! She couldn't wait to have more energy and really wanted to get out and explore the city & most certainly was ready to come home a week later! Haha...she still had 11 weeks at least to go. BUMMER.
As Tanya was getting well, we all back in Arizona wrapped up the weekend of the Fall Fling & I was packing to head back to Washington that was on Monday, October 21st. Dustin, the babies and I drove straight through (we are champs at this 25hr drive at this point) and made it home just in time to get Breckin to his first ever field trip! That was exhausting for sure! We began getting back into a routine, unpacking from moving in August and just getting back into the swing of things...until Friday October 25th when my Mom told me Tanya had skipped her appointments at Utopia because she wasn't feeling well.
She had spent the day in bed until she couldn't take it anymore. She couldn't breathe and although I can only relate it to falling off a swing in mid air and losing your breath, I'm sure it was much worse. Much more worse than we could have ever imagined. Worse enough for Tanya to not be able to walk from the bed to the table. Worse enough to tell my Mom she was scared to death and that she needed to go to the hospital. Worse enough to actually for ONCE complain. Worse enough for the ambulance to come. Poor thing. All I could do was cry. Cry because I didn't want her in pain, because I didn't want to hear this news, because of the unknown. Because she didn't deserve this and most importantly because I wasn't there and didn't want to lose her. I know, not a good time to think about myself here but she's my sister. My best friend and I WASN'T there for her. The worst feeling ever. I knew my Mom had complete control of her and could manage just fine but it still hurts when you are miles and miles away and feel helpless.
The last text messages I have from Tanya was on Thursday; we were talking about my crazy kids and how fast they were growing. How much they missed and loved Tata & how much she missed and loved them! Tanya was admitted to Mease Countryside Hospital in Safety Harbor, Florida on Friday afternoon through the ER and was quickly admitted. The ER physicians did a CT scan and became concerned with the findings; started blood work and soon informed her that her liver was shutting down & that she was more sick that she (anyone) realized. She soon received a bed on the Critical Care Unit and was assigned Dr. Robert Stein & RN, Dawn. Dr. Stein was an Intensivist & Pulmonologist and began quickly working on Tanya and had taken a special interest in her as his son was her same age. Tanya honestly could not have received better care than she did at this hospital. EVERYONE was beyond amazing.
Saturday, morning the breathing difficulties continued and had gotten worse, Dr. Stein told Tanya she could go on a ventillator to help her breathe. He gave her all the information, risks, benefits, etc and told her he would be back in 1 hour to talk to her. Dr. Stein was called back to Tanya's room not 20 minutes later and she asked him "how soon can you do this?" He replied with "as soon as you want it". Tanya had the intubation done, her choice, and was heavily sedated to keep her from naturally wanting to pull it out.
I can't imagine how difficult this was for my Mom who had to sit there and see her baby in pain, suffering and not being able to breathe. As a mother you want to fix everything and she couldn't. She couldn't take the pain away, but she was there and that alone I know meant more to Tanya than my Mom will ever realize. Dr. Stein told Tanya that once the tube was placed, she would not leave the hospital without it; she understood and I wholeheartedly believe she was just giving all of us time to get to her. She wanted to go home; she didn't want to be there. Of course she didn't want to be there, especially when you don't feel good...all you want is your own bed, your own house...HOME.