A very real FIGHT...

UGH. . .F.R.U.S.T.R.A.T.I.O.N. . .

I am so frustrated today.  I woke up with the expectations of seeing my NEW Radiation Oncologist and getting my radiation "mapping" done so I can start radiation treatment.  I saw her yesterday for a consultation and was suppose to come back today for the mapping portion of the process.  That went out the door early this morning when Dr. Grade, this is pronounced GRA-DE...(The new Rad/Onc) called to tell me after talking my case over with Dr. Schulmbrecht (The new GYN/ONC) they decided based off the tumor size in my pelvis we are better to hold off on radiation for now.  To see if we can get a few rounds of chemotherapy in to shrink the tumors before radiation is done.

WHAT'S that mean?

NO RADIATION will be done right now...or until further notice.  The risk and complications are too great and out weigh the benefits.  Since I have had radiation before, there is very limited amounts of radiation I can get.  My bladder and rectum are already compromised, no need to compromise them further.  By holding off on radiation and pushing forward with chemotherapy the hopes are we will SHRINK the tumors not just in my pelvis but all over my body.  Treat the disease as a WHOLE, not just the disease in my pelvis.  Once the tumors SHRINK, we then can do radiation, but have a more precise treatment plan and radiate JUST the tumor and not my bladder and rectum. 

The RESULTS are IN...

I had blood work drawn today.  I haven't had blood drawn in about a week.  The last time I got my labs drawn my platelets were about 147.  I was worried they were steadily decreasing.  I FINALLY got the results and my platelets are holding steady at 150!!!! This is AWESOME news!!!  This is even up a little from last week! :)

OUR course of ACTION...

Since my platelets are NORMAL, we are going to start chemotherapy...AGAIN.  I will start this next Wednesday June 5th, 2013.  I am going to be doing a chemotherapy called CARBOPLATIN mixed with TAXOL.  This will be my first round and then after this we will check to see what happens with my platelets.  Carboplatin (carbo for short) takes about 3 hours to infuse.  Taxol will take about an hour.  I will have pre-meds that will take about an hour as well.  So over all it will be a full day infusion.  If my platelets hold steady, we will do another round.  If not we will work up a new plan. 

I am seeing yet another new doctor tomorrow.  Dr. Kludepplberg is a MED/ONC doctor.  He will take over my care for my blood disorder, the ITP. I see him tomorrow and we will go from there.

My appointment with him is at 1pm tomorrow.  I swear MD ANDERSON only does appointments at 1pm.  Every appointment I have had has been at 1pm.  I am not sure at this point if they have morning appointments. Ha ha I hope he will be able to get me off these damn steroids, but I guess I can't be TOO upset about it considering my platelets are holding at normal levels. 

I know I just changed care from Arizona Oncology to MD Anderson just last week, things are actually happening pretty quickly.  I just feel like it should be happening even quicker. 

I am FRUSTRATED. 

I feel like I keep getting pushed to the side, not that MD ANDERSON is pushing me to the side they are helping me, I just am frustrated. I want so badly for this cancer to be gone.  I am trying EVERYTHING...I called T-Gen and was told that since the consultations are usually the only thing that is covered by insurance NOT the actual treatment or trail that DR. BORST office didn't go further with processing the referral.  They also NEVER told me this either...so this whole time I have been waiting for them to get authorization!!  Now I am having to talk to Dr. Schulmbrecht and have his office process it.  Which upsets me.  It was about a week ago that Borst's office was suppose to process it and didn't...that puts us a week farther behind.

I am now having to prepare myself for chemo....................AGAIN. 

I am not sure how I did it the first time, and I am STILL not sure how to do it this time.  Even having been through this process before I am still not sure what to do or expect. Side effects for this treatment might be different than last time, however it's safe to say chemo is chemo.  These medications might effect my body differently than the last chemo drugs did.  My HAIR...I might lose my hair...AGAIN.  It's so irritating!

DO you know how hard it is to have to go through this ONE time, let alone TWO times. 

It's for the birds really.

Having cancer NEVER gets easier.  It's always SOMETHING. Like having cancer is ever EASY, but the drug induced ITP doesn't help my situation AT ALL.  This time around is more scary.  I have the ITP to worry about.  Before I was fighting the cancer that didn't really exist since my scans were all clear...this time around I have cancer in both my lungs, right adrenal and four tumors in my pelvis, it's a VERY REAL FIGHT.

You can see where my frustrations come into play.

 

I am spent for tonight.

My brain is FRIED and I can't even keep things straight.

 

Tomorrow is another day!